So I'm on a diet cause I think I'm fat. Call me crazy but I know each one of you people who are reading this are unhappy with your love handles or "pudge", you know the thing that sticks out and has the capability of ruining an amazing outfit. Well my diet consists of replacing two meals, which for me are breakfast and dinner, and instead of eating I drink a Slim-fast. Then I eat a very healthy lunch. Or I try to. Plus an hour of cardio a day and vwhalaa! I lose weight.
When I first got to college I weighed 136. I thought I had gained like ten pounds but I only gained four. ha. crazy. My only problem is is that design is taking over every part of my life. I'm not able to run anymore. I have no time for myself or anyone else. So pretty much I'm unhappy. Does this mean I give up design so I can be happy again? How am I supposed to know?! No one knows! I hate UCO! It feels like everyone actually enjoys design but me. I could've sworn I wanted to be interior design. Like no doubt in my mind. These dumb foundations of design are killing me. I'm losing interest. I feel like I'm wasting time and my dad's money. But if I do end up giving design up I don't know what other option I would have. Photography is just as hard if not more. I wish I was rich and could just travel the world and take pictures, just do my hobbies.
I have a humanities test tomorrow and I'm not studying. I should be but I get distracted. baha.
I mean it isn't that hard but I'm sure if I studied I'd do better.
I miss my youthgroup. I miss being in it. The people that I was surrounded by. I've lost the path I was following. I need it back. I've changed so much spiritually. It scares me but I don't know how to face it and I feel like I don't have time to work on it. I miss God, I mean I know he's ALWAYS there for me and all but I never seem to have time to open up to him and fill him in on the little things like I used to. I used to just spill everything to him while I was driving, no radio, nothing on, but now it's design. It's just clouding everything. I've honestly almost had a head-on collision while driving because I was organizing things I have to do for design in my head.
What do you do if you feel God calling you to do something but you can't help but tell yourself it's just in your head. And you don't want to accept the challenge because you think your Dad might be mad at you for being such a waste. If you're reading this..anyone.. I'm begging you, please, please pray for me. I'm so lost. Good morning.
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