i can smile at this anytime.

 

burn baby burn.

i'm sorry if you're reading these and are super annoyed. actually i'm not sorry. get over it, it's my life. I do what I want. 

So I'm on a diet cause I think I'm fat. Call me crazy but I know each one of you people who are reading this are unhappy with your love handles or "pudge", you know the thing that sticks out and has the capability of ruining an amazing outfit. Well my diet consists of replacing two meals, which for me are breakfast and dinner, and instead of eating I drink a Slim-fast. Then I eat a very healthy lunch. Or I try to. Plus an hour of cardio a day and vwhalaa! I lose weight. 

When I first got to college I weighed 136. I thought I had gained like ten pounds but I only gained four. ha. crazy. My only problem is is that design is taking over every part of my life. I'm not able to run anymore. I have no time for myself or anyone else. So pretty much I'm unhappy. Does this mean I give up design so I can be happy again? How am I supposed  to know?! No one knows! I hate UCO! It feels like everyone actually enjoys design but me. I could've sworn I wanted to be interior design. Like no doubt in my mind. These dumb foundations of design are killing me. I'm losing interest. I feel like I'm wasting time and my dad's money. But if I do end up giving design up I don't know what other option I would have. Photography is just as hard if not more. I wish I was rich and could just travel the world and take pictures, just do my hobbies. 

I have a humanities test tomorrow and I'm not studying. I should be but I get distracted. baha. 

I mean it isn't that hard but I'm sure if I studied I'd do better. 

I miss my youthgroup. I miss being in it. The people that I was surrounded by. I've lost the path I was following. I need it back. I've changed so much spiritually. It scares me but I don't know how to face it and I feel like I don't have time to work on it. I miss God, I mean I know he's ALWAYS there for me and all but I never seem to have time to open up to him and fill him in on the little things like I used to. I used to just spill everything to him while I was driving, no radio, nothing on, but now it's design. It's just clouding everything. I've honestly almost had a head-on collision while driving because I was organizing things I have to do for design in my head. 

What do you do if you feel God calling you to do something but you can't help but tell yourself it's just in your head. And you don't want to accept the challenge because you think your Dad might be mad at you for being such a waste. If you're reading this..anyone.. I'm begging you, please, please pray for me. I'm so lost. Good morning. 

first things first: the font selections on these blogspots suck. 

okay...

well it's like nearing one and i'm going crazy inside. blogging seems to be the only thing lately that'll be patient enough to let me get what i'm feeling out. Right now I feel like typing everything that's going on in my head into a long list which actually I'm going to do. but first, this asian guy across our hall is name Aik-mun. He's pretty much a living pokemon. he just laughed hysterically and it bothers me. Like what could he be laughing at?!

list:

To Kill a Mocking Bird

ice cream truck

rainbow

red school houses

penny loafers

nickels

rivers in mountains that are visible from the road

mint leaf

frogs

tea

Keeka

ghosts

washer and dryer

Hess trucks

swimming

Lil Wayne

yellow firetruck

rubber cement

salt and black coffee

Half Pint

split ends

value?

rope

sun

bandits

the movie Holes

black

Space Balls

"the shimmy"

secret handshake

Aimes

okay I have more but that would be a huge blog. but in my head is a whirlwind of all these words and I don't know what to grasp. I wanna make a new blog this one is too messy...

i'm majoring in suicide.

i'm sitting in my classroom an hour early waiting for class to start. it's me and three guys. 

they're all a bit strange. especially one in particular. he has no social skills and i'm pretty sure he stalks me. someone save me. the first thing he said when he walked in was, "i saw you driving today in your car." but he said it with an old creepy farmers voice or something. Man i miss high school. 

do you ever feel like you're constantly surrounded by people who are more advanced or intelligent than you and you're always the stupid one. You can never get things done on time and when you do it's never good enough. Sometimes I think college isn't for me. maybe i should do hair...........................oh whoops..i accidentally held the button down but i'm too lazy to delete. 

anywaysssss....i need to take a break from all this design junk. it's whack. i don't do whack. i cannot wait until summer. i want time to hangout with friends. 

holy schnikeys. this stalker kid keeps asking me where sergio is? how's he been? i haven't seen him lately? 

oh em gee. leave me alone. how does he not see that my shoulder is pretty much going through the ice age. seriously. don't talk to me. 

i might sound rude but i don't care. I do what i want.

uggghh. i think my teacher is almost here. i'll talk to you later. 

ya digg?!

"i'm gonna pour alcohol all over me and walk to the arctic."

ignorance is bliss. 

my brother caleb is so ignorant, hence the title of my post. 

my youngest brother benni was tellin my mom today that she should invent a wine popsicle cause that's all she ever drinks and apparently he thought a popsicle would do it some good. I'm not sure.

anyways.. my mom was like, "well benni, that'd be a good idea if alcohol could freeze. but it can't." 

i could hear his dreams shatter. okay i took it too far. 

but caleb took it even further. he was like,"no it doesn't, i'm gonna freeze some." he's so stupid.

we told him over and over and i guess when he was ready to accept the fact that alcohol does NOT freeze he said, "well, then...i'll pour alcohol all over my body and walk to the arctic."

he looked up at all of us like he was the funniest thing ever and we silently blew it off and pretended it wasn't funny because quite honestly, it was. we just couldn't let him know cause that's our job as older siblings. me and susannah proceeded to spoon our frozen gummybears out of our icees. 

every seven seconds?!?

so today i was listening to 90.9 Air One..I recommend everyone listen to it. They play awesome music. 

well anyways...today they were having people call in and pledge a certain amount of money, for instance, 13$ can feed one kid for a whole month! Only thirteen dollars!!! Guys that's like two hours of working. 

They also  mentioned that one kid dies of starvation every seven seconds! SEVEN! That is unbelievable. 

After hearing that, and visualizing something so horrid in my mind I knew that God was telling me to give of myself to help some of those kids in need. 

I may not be able to feed five or six but if I can change only one life with such a simple gift I will do what I can. Those kids need to know that God has love for them. 

I've decided to give a certain amount per month, I know that it might not be easy for you guys to give anything financially but please at least pray for these kids. They're moms are having to force their kids to eat mud because their stomaches are eating themselves. 

Please act guys. We can each help one. Together we can help them all. 

anxious.

man i can't wait for summer. 

i'm looking outside and it's so blah. 

those four pictures are my most favoritest places in this world especially when i'm with my family. 

1. our beach house. i thought the placement of the clouds was cool.

2. that's boston. I love shopping there. except this street consists of Chanel, burberry, Marc Jacobs..you get the picture.

3.good ole Times Square. i brought my soulmate with me. man i miss being black. 

4. our swimmin' hole. it's a mile from my gramma's in North Carolina. We ride our bikes and swim. jealous? you should be. 

well that's what i'm waiting for. our annual summer vacation to the East Coast.

                                        but in all actuality my favorite place in the whole entire world is here: 

                                                  in his arms.

my first time.

Hey, so this is new to me. My very first blog! I'm actually more enthused towards this than I thought I might be. But it's four:thirty-six a.m. and I just had a very bad day. I'm too stressed to sleep sooo..why not blog?!?

I realized today that I keep too much of myself to myself. I need to learn to talk about what I'm going through and what my day was like. You know, stop being so selfish. 

Well anyways..I'll go ahead and talk about myself a little. I'm a freshman in college and I'm an interior design major. I came into college ready for the "experience of my life" as most people seem to describe it. I was ready to meet new people, learn new things, gain more responsibility, just kind of hoping I'd do more things on my own and still have fun. Little did I now that my design classes would completely consume me. Along with my social life and anything else I enjoyed. I lost all my extra time for fun stuff and began filling it with project, after project, after project. In the meantime. My roommate/bestfriend/soulmate(not lover) Riley Marae seems to have all the time in the world. She's going out every weekend coming back with wicked stories and yadi yadi yah. Needless to say I wanted to punch her in her vag. It's been like that all year and honestly I'm about to break. My projects are causing me to sleep less because of stress and the time it takes to do them, so with that I'm falling behind in my very simple core classes. I'm just so sick of it all. I wish I could just drop out. Buy my camera I've been saving for. and move away to Africa to photograph the beauty there and run around like crazy with all the kids. 

Too bad it isn't that simple. My brother Seth reminds me all the time. I guess I've always liked a challenge but it seems like I have no fight left in me to put up with these ridunculous classes anymore. I just want to go back to being a kid. Walking around barefoot all summer long and having to be in for supper when it got dark. Eating ice cream cones on the porch with the freakin mosquitoes. Swimming half naked in puddles after a rain. Riding bikes all over Bethany with Dustin and Taylor. having lemonade stands everyday just to send the cool kid next door across Rockwell to get us Big League Chew with our profits. Football with the boys til you heard the crickets. Goodness. I wish. 

Now I've got high tops on 24/7 and no time to eat supper. No money to buy ice cream cones plus you just gain weight. Running in the rain only to hear perverted remarks about wet t-shirt contests once you walk back to your room. No more bikes with Dust and Tay cause our knees would hit the handlebars and we've parted ways. Only lemonade I sell now is over the headset at Sonic. And football with the boys would be awesome but now the video games are too realistic. 

Wonder what heaven'll be like...